i don't have the energy to try much the last few months. i think i've rather given up. i enjoy being alive. i want to improve in so many areas. i'm realizing a significant portion of my life is really odd and unrelatable. is that not normal, i always think. but i never developed the shared culture of my peers. i never learned the social norms. i aquired a different approach and a different lingo. i feel like a dang alien, and i keep getting rude somehow still? i think youngsters are too dang hard on us geezers who miss their sega genesis'. or maybe being 27 and having a sega genesis being one of your childhood highlights is the problem, is what i'm trying to say.
"holy heck!!" panic induction "you didn't grow up with a sega genesis? what about an n64 or ps1? yeah, i had a ps2, why didn't you have a sega genesis?"
"Sega released it in 1988 in Japan as the Mega Drive, and in 1989 in North America as the Genesis. In 1990, it was distributed as the Mega Drive by Virgin Mastertronic in Europe, Ozisoft in Australasia, and Tectoy in Brazil."
Right . . .
being bullied for most of my life led to me retreating into the past somehow. the teachers would yell at me at school. they were weird and bigoted anyway, so they did this to most people, but i was singled out a lot. i'd come back and binge video games. i binged old video games. everybody around me was significantly older, and so i got to play the stuff they were done with. my toys were my older peers nostalgia binges. the barbies were crusty and the game carts were dusty. backwards compatability saves dying gameboy colors. lego kits are built and boring theratfter. i guess i read books though. the picture i'm trying to paint here is mostly....sifting through a junkyard for fun brings an older way of living. it's no wonder i have a neocities, and i do miss the dial up boot sound. but that's cause my family was poor, not cause i'm particularly old.
maybe i'd be happier if i started trying to chase the milfs n dilfs of the world? it feels so uncomfortable saying that, but it's what people keep telling me. i have a tendency to ignore what people tell me. it's a rude self defense mechanism. i rely on my stubbornness to prevent people from messing me up harder, which is really often. i'd rather people mess me up and get in my way than to continue feeling so alien. maybe that's what a community is. please fax me a community, but don't dare sms it, that is too hard for me and i might accidentally call you.
i'm not graying or losing hair. i'm getting happier and healthier on a slow upward trot. i have dreams and joys. i want to own farmland. i want to grow most of my food and own a few horses. i want chickens cause they are cute, and i refuse to eat their bodies. they are gonna get like, weird neo graves. and an altar. and i want a fancy buddhist altar somewhere niche in my ranch farm thing. i wanna engineer stupid fancy ecopower solutions, and i want to roll around in the stinky dirt at 4am before i start my day. i'm getting younger. this year put me through a trial, and i'm coming out of it a dreamer.